Going to a therapist for heartbreak is a bit excessive, isn’t it? Maybe you are sitting on the couch with a broken heart right now and you are wondering this. The answer is: therapy after a breakup is absolutely not excessive! If you and your partner have broken up, there is a lot of (emotional) work to do. You have to find your own way again, learn new routines and habits, and rearrange your days. Grief can get in the way of this process. It is therefore not at all strange to get help for this.

Why is therapy useful after a relationship breakdown?

The influence that a relationship has on you as a person can be very great. Especially if you have been together with your ex-partner for many years, your identity has undoubtedly become inextricably linked to that of your ex-partner. Who were you before you met him or her? What was really typically “you” back then? Who are you without your ex-partner?

The length of a broken relationship does not always say everything about its intensity. Even short relationships can have a big impact on a person’s life and identity. A broken relationship sometimes causes such big changes in the life and self-image of both ex-partners that the process of recovering from a breakup can be comparable to the grieving process after the death of a loved one. Therefore, it is best not to underestimate a broken heart.

Signs that you are not coping with a relationship breakup

For the first few days after a relationship breakup, you may very well feel like the world has ended. But over time, you should start to see some improvement – no matter how impossible it seemed at the beginning. Is this not happening? Do you feel like you’re not taking any steps forward and are the emotions surrounding the relationship breakup interfering with your daily life? Then online therapy offers a helping hand.


  • Your ex-partner has become an obsession. You are constantly concerned with what his or her life is like now. You keep trying to contact or win him or her back, or keep a close eye on his or her social media channels.
  • Activities you used to enjoy no longer interest you. The advice to take your mind off things and go do something fun is pointless. You no longer find anything fun, not even a little bit.
  • You suffer from physical complaints, such as insomnia, a loss of appetite, a weak immune system, headaches, or stomach aches.
  • You suffer from sudden insecurity. If you are the abandoned partner, you may suddenly have low self-confidence or self-esteem and be dominated by feelings of fear, despair, and loneliness. This hinders you in your daily activities.
  • You suffer from intense feelings of guilt. If you are the one who left your partner, you may suffer from guilt, regret, or shame. This is often the case when children are involved, or when the abandoned partner is in very bad shape as a result of the breakup.
  • Your new relationship suffers from the experiences of the breakup.

How can a therapist help after a relationship breakdown?

Being able to tell your story always helps. A therapist may be one of the few people who does not know your ex-partner, will not take sides, and can help you objectively. In most cases, therapy revolves around learning to deal with intense emotions and finding ways to redefine your own identity.


Through cognitive behavioral therapy, you learn to regain control over your emotions and thoughts. There is plenty of room for your sadness, despair, or anger, but you learn how to let those emotions come and go without them becoming overpowering.


Next, therapy focuses on you. Who are you? What do you want in life and what do you expect from love? What are your wishes, goals, or dreams? By rediscovering who you really are, separate from your ex-partner, you slowly regain faith in yourself. And that offers the space to think about the future and make new plans. A therapist can give you concrete advice on this, for example, on trying out new hobbies or making new contacts.

Benefits of psychological help after a relationship breakdown

Besides dealing with the breakup itself, psychological help offers even more advantages. In therapy, you learn a lot about yourself and you grow on a personal level. You are forced to think about what went wrong in your relationship, what part you played, and how you can prevent this in the future. You learn, for example, where you should set boundaries or how you can communicate better. It also becomes clear to you what you expect from love in the future. This prevents you from making the same mistakes in a future relationship or ending up in a similar relationship dynamic.

Are you sitting on the couch with a broken heart and don’t know how to proceed? Then talking to a therapist online might be for you. Our online therapists are ready to help you right away. With online therapy, you can start processing your relationship breakup and build a brighter future within days.


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